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FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH: ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES? THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE. I WENT TO A LIBRARY AND ASKED THE LIBRARIAN, „WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP? IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION? IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM? WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO „GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?” WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT? WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK? WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM? IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS? IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT? WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD? ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR? IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE? WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT? WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED „HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF „ASSTEROIDS”? WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM? CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Tilbuhoglinda 